Funny poker jokes

A COLLECTION OF FUNNY POKER JOKES

Here is a collection of funny poker jokes,well more like jokes about poker players.Hope you enjoy them.

Tom Durrrr Dwan walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. He notices a monkey in a cage behind the bar and asks about it.

"You don't want to know," answers the bartender.

A few beers later, Tom says, "Come on, I gotta know what the deal is with the monkey."

"OK, I'll show you," says the bartender. He then takes the animal out of the cage and whacks it on the head with a bat. The monkey pulls down the bartender's pants and starts giving him a blow job. He looks at Tom and says, "You want to try it?"

"Hell, yeah," says Tom. "But don't hit me that hard."

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that Greg Raymer is seated there furiously masturbating. "What the hell do you think you are doing?" she says. Greg Raymer replies: "I am very hungry." The waitress asks, "So how is jerking off in this restaurant going to help the situation?" Greg Raymer replies, "Because the menu say,s, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED."

Doyle Brunson and another man from Texas were sitting at a bar when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged.

Doyle turned to the other Texan and said "That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm gonna go over there and help."

He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big Texan hands and asked "Kin ya swaller?"

Gasping, she shook her head "No."

He asked "Can ya breathe?"

Still gasping she again shook her head "No."

With that he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her underwear and licked her ass. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the bit of hamburger that was stuck and began to breathe on her own.

Doyle sat back down with his friend and said "Ya know, it's amazin' -- that hind-lick maneuver always works!"

A 16-year-old Tom Dwan comes home and tells his father, "Dad, I had my first blow job today." Dad is delighted. He thinks his son is going to be a world class Casanova. "How did it feel?" asks Dad. "Not too bad," replies Tom, "But my jaw aches like hell, and it doesn't half leave a taste in your mouth."

Q: What is Jimmy Fricke,s most successful pickup line ever?
A: "Does this smell like chloroform?"

Doyle Brunson is staying at a smart London hotel and finds a card in the telephone box offering sexual services. Later that night he calls the number and says: "I'd like a bit of doggy-style, a sixty-nine and some mild bondage - is that OK?" "It all sounds very interesting, sir," the lady replies, "but you might like to dial 9 for an outside line first."

Clonie Gowen was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,

"Where did you get that?"

The pig replied,

"I won her in a raffle